The Blogger without a Boyfriend.

Last Friday, I wrote a post and someone left a comment that gave me pause. It read: “Just because you can no longer be the blogger who has never had a boyfriend doesn’t mean we don’t want to hear from you now that you have one.”


That made me chuckle and smile, because to see it written out like that throws that reality into a new light. And it’s true. Up until a few months ago, that was my identity: the blogger who had never been in a relationship. I was the young woman of 25 who had never dated, held hands with a guy, or been kissed. I was the perpetual single girl. That is who I had crafted my identity into, the pieces I had pulled from when I began to knit myself together. When I realized I wanted to write, to blog, to put my heart and soul on the page, my singleness colored every word I strung together.

And then he asked me to be his girlfriend.

This lovely man who read my blog, laughed at my tweets, and sent me text after text wanted something more. And I wanted that, too. I’ve enjoyed every single moment. I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

But then one day I woke up and realized I wasn’t the girl who had been single for her whole life. I wasn’t the girl who had never gone on a date or held hands or been kissed. One day I woke up and realized my blogging and writing identity had been smashed to a thousand pieces. I was a little lost. It was like going to your closet and realizing your favorite sweater didn’t fit you anymore. Hanging up next to it was another, brand-new and lovely sweater, but you just weren’t used to it yet. You didn’t know how to wear it.

I didn’t know how to wear my new relationship. I didn’t know how to pair it with my writing. I had written myself into this box, and I sat there in the corner with a pen in my hand trying to understand how I could write anything else. I had drawn lines around myself, lines around my writing and my creativity and my need to spill words on the page, and I didn’t know how to erase them.

Maybe I still don’t. But I’m tired of not trying. Of accepting the limitations I’ve imposed on myself. Of drafting identities for myself that put me in a box of my own creation.

We think we have to be this one thing. We have to be the artist or the writer or the student or the nerd or the mother or the single dad or the shy one or the musician or the businesswoman or the lawyer or the teacher. We begin to grow up and we have to choose our path. We have to find something and embrace it fully. We give ourselves an identity and let it define us.

But life happens and things change and one day you wake and you aren’t the same person you were yesterday. Actually, you’re never the same person you were yesterday. Every single day you are creating yourself, growing into your heart and soul and who you’re meant to be. And no single word or title will ever set you free.

You don’t need to be in a box. The only thing you need to commit to being is yourself, no rules or exceptions or excuses. In the words of Tina Fey, “Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.” Don’t worry about labels or identities or boxes. Only worry about being true to yourself and following your heart and reveling in the happiness and joy that follows. Because you have the ability to do so much and be so much, and you should never try to contain the power of your being in a box. In the tips of your fingers and depths of your soul is the infinite potential to be anything you can fathom. You will grow out of old identities and grow into new ones, and you should never let something so fragile and temporary hold you back.

You deserve so so much more than the tight, stifling confines of the lines and boxes you build around yourself. You deserve to dive into anything and become anything you can imagine. You deserve to set yourself free.

So I’m letting it go. I’m not the blogger who has never had a boyfriend. And that’s okay. Because I don’t have to limit myself or my writing to one thing, one topic or style. I don’t have to hold back or accept the box I put myself in. I can be bold and bright and anything I want to be. And I believe you can be the same.

{Thank you for reading! And maybe (definitely) follow me on Twitter >> @cassiclerget. I’m pretty entertaining.}


8 thoughts on “The Blogger without a Boyfriend.

  1. Ah, Cassie, I remain an ardent fan of your writing. I admire your clarity of thought and gift of economy of words in so succinctly sharing those thoughts with us. However, today’s blog demonstrates once again the quality you possess that I most appreciate: your willingness to be human and, no matter the accompanying difficulty, to face and do battle with the daily struggles and uncertainties common to most of us, but with a courage so few of us choose these days. Courage being the choice to do what’s necessary, in spite of sometimes near-paralyzing fear, seems to be disappearing among our population. These days, more often than not, we choose a mind- or mood-altering substance or activity to avoid such unpleasantness.

    I thank you for following your path and, in so doing, serve as an inspiration and a motivator for many. I hope you realize the need you serve here. All the best in your journey.

  2. (breathy sigh)
    your writing is wonderful :) I found your blog many months ago and reblogged nearly every posts you made on the single girl/God/&the virgin, and when I saw you were in a relationship, I’d felt like I’d lost a girlfriend. You’d officially handed over your membership card to the single-since-birth club. I mourned this death of you being not relatable anymore.
    But no, your writing is just as beautiful, insightful, and motivating as ever :)

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