No longer the cynic.

One word I’ve always used to describe myself is cynical. It usually accompanies other words like passionate, impulsive, romantic, and empathetic. I am nothing if not a random assortment of clashing thoughts and feelings that God somehow brought together in my heart and soul and mind. I love all the pieces of who I am; they make up the woman who is a writer and artist and friend and daughter and partner. If I was to lose just one of those pieces, I wouldn’t be the same.

But my cynicism never seemed to match with the rest of who I was. Something about it didn’t fit; a jagged puzzle piece trying to force itself into a gentle curve. The cynicism painted my world in dark colors, blacking out the good things, refusing to allow me to enjoy them because I couldn’t quite trust them. That is the problem with cynicism: it’ doesn’t lend itself to trust or happiness or enjoying the moment. It refuses to see the good, because it assumes it will be accompanied by the bad. I never really liked that world, my cynical world. I didn’t belong there, but I chose it anyway, because that was easier than being disappointed.

Lately, however, it’s been harder to hold onto that cynicism. Not that my life and world is problem free; nothing is ever perfect nor will it be. But I have been blessed, beyond what I could ever imagine, and I am so very grateful.

I am a part of the amazing So Worth Loving family, and I can’t say how much that strong and beautiful community has changed my life. They helped me find the self worth I had tucked away in the recesses of my soul, covered up by bad memories and unshed tears, and told me to believe in myself. I am thrilled to share my words with them, and to read the words of amazing women and men who have been where I’ve been and dared to believe they were worth loving even if they didn’t always feel it. They fought for a new beginning, and we all deserve a fresh start.

And not long ago, I was able to lend my hands and heart to More Love Letters. In a moment that was completely part of God’s crazy plan, He brought me to Hannah Brencher. This woman is a beautiful, strong, inspiring soul who spends her days getting love letters of hope and encouragement into the hands of those who need a kind word from someone who means it. And she asked me to be a part of this movement, this community of people who spill their hearts onto the page in the hopes of bringing joy to a complete stranger. I was all in, no hesitation or second-guessing, because how often do you find people who want to do something good just for the sake of doing something good? How can you walk away from that?

Then last week, a wonderful man named Chris asked me to be his girlfriend. He read the rambling and perhaps too honest writing on my blog, and scrolled through my completely ridiculous, inappropriate, crazy tweets on Twitter, and saw something. We began to text and we wrote letters and slowly opened up to each other. This man, this person on the other side of the country that should never have found me, fills my soul and challenges my mind and sees my heart as something to hold with care, not as something to be broken. I am blessed by him every day, by his kindness and patience and the words he shares with me. My world seems brighter because of this adventure we’re taking together, and why oh why would I want to cling to cynicism when I can have something so much better?

And while my life will always be a bit of a mess, that doesn’t mean it has to be a dark and tangled web. I don’t have to only the see and accept the dark side of things, because the last few months have proven there is so much good in this world, so many gorgeous people who shine in spite of the darkness the threatens to flood our world.

Because there is a difference between being a cynic and being a realist. I can see the world exactly as it is – the good and the bad, the painful and the beautiful – and I can accept all of it without allowing it to darken my soul and harden my heart. I can feel the pain and try to heal it without allowing it to overcome me. I can look into the eyes of the bad and choose to move past it, to look beyond it towards the good. I can see the beauty in everything around me, because in every little piece of this world is something lovely and wonderful. And if there isn’t, then I can make it myself and share it with those who desperately need it.

Cynicism is to accept the terrible things as the only reality we can have. It is passive and lazy and discounts our ability and will and desire to change this world for the better; to paint for ourselves a brighter reality. It assumes the worst in everyone and everything around you with no hope or chance to be surprised. There is a selfishness in cynicism, and I’m ready to let go of it. I choose to embrace the bright, unknown adventures that sprawl out in front of me, walking forward boldly and with a open heart and mind. My hands are open, ready catch whatever I am lucky enough to find.

I dare you to do the same.

Thank you for reading! And maybe (definitely) follow me on Twitter >> @cassiclerget.
I’m pretty entertaining


3 thoughts on “No longer the cynic.

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