I don’t write much about dating or relationships. It’s not really my thing, especially considering the last date I went on was never (or maybe once in a dream I barely remember…). I’ve had a couple almosts and a few I wishes, but relationships seems to elude me. Maybe some day when the time is right and the man is right and everything kind of comes together in that special way.
But I’ve seen my friends date. I’ve seen them date well and I’ve seen them date poorly. I’ve watched them suffer through hell and I’ve watched them end up at the altar with a start to their real life happy ever after. And of course, I’ve seen the movies, watched the tv shows, and read the books. Dating is everywhere. Apparently all the kids are doing it these days. (But seriously, sometimes I think my 9 year old sister will go on a date before me…)
So I won’t offer “advice”. Just my thoughts on this whole thing as an objective third party with no personal experience whatsoever. Here you go: Cassi Clerget on dating!
1. Tell him/her how you feel.
Guessing games are the worst. No one wants to try and figure out through telepathy or reconnaissance if your BFF Sarah has a thing for your brother’s roommate John. We think we have to keep our feelings to ourselves, guarding our hearts and not getting too serious too soon. And while you probably shouldn’t pull a Ted Mosby and declare your love on the first date (we saw how well that worked out), if you don’t let the person you like know you like them, or encourage them in those feelings, how are they going to know you want to go out with them and get to know them? So it might be scary as hell, but taking that chance just might be the best choice you ever make. And if you don’t, then it will only guarantee that you will never know how that person feels. Otherwise you end up being the girl who looks back wondering what would have happened if she had told the guy she liked that she liked him before they ended up on opposite sides of the world. (That may be autobiographical.)
2. Be honest.
Dear God, if there is one thing that seems to ruin relationships it’s dishonesty, lying, and playing games. We keep secrets, sneak around, and tell half truths and wonder why our boy/girlfriend broke up with us. If you care about someone, be honest with them. This should be true in any relationship you have, platonic or romantic. We can’t just assume the person we’re dating will be able to magically discern our real thoughts and feelings. This is real life and no one has that superpower. Communication in a relationship is important, and if you don’t feel you can be honest with your boyfriend or girlfriend, maybe you need to step back and examine why that’s the case. So be honest about your intentions and your feelings. Let them see the real you, because that is a person worth falling in love with.
3. Never settle.
Never ever ever. If there is one thing that saddens me, it’s when I see someone I love settle for someone they don’t love or settle for someone who doesn’t love them, not really in the way they deserve. Living in a world that seems to put a high priority on being in a relationship, we see being single as something to cure, and maybe we fear we’ll never find that person. So we find someone who kinda likes us or someone we kinda like and we convince ourselves we’ll be satisfied with this, with close enough. But you are worth more than almost or close enough. You should never settle because you fear you’ll never find someone. It’s unfair to both of you. So know it’s okay to wait for that special someone who is your match in every way. You deserve that kind of happiness.
4. Never confuse the love of being wanted with being in love.
This is sort of tied to the point above. Sometimes we meet someone who sweeps us off our feet. They seem to answer every question our heart longs to ask, and they answer it before you even have the chance to ask. They seem to make you their whole world, caring about you and loving you in a way that is almost too good to be true. And that attention, it can be intoxicating. Part of you seems to crave it, the knowing that someone out there adores you. You love that feeling. But being in love is not the same as the love of being wanted. There is a difference between loving a feeling and loving the person who gives you that feeling.
5. Have fun.
We sometimes overthink things. We make everything into a serious ordeal, and we plan out how we’re supposed to get from step A to step B, and hate when we get off track or take a detour. We forget that some things in life can’t be planned down to the last detail. And I think that dating is one of those things. We get so worried about dating the “right” way that we don’t enjoy it. We forget to have fun as we get to know this lovely person who looks at us and sees something special. Dating should never be a chore; it should be a pleasure. Never forget to simply enjoy the person you’re with and the memories you two are making together. Smile and laugh and, if you’re lucky, take a moment to appreciate falling in love.
Thank you for reading! And maybe (definitely) follow me on Twitter >> @cassiclerget.
I’m pretty entertaining.