You may be a Clerget if…

Some times when I’m feeling adventurous (read: desperate), I ask my sisters what I should write about. There are two responses I get consistently:
1. Write about the Bible, because apparently for a Christian writer, I tend to avoid actual religious topics. (I can neither confirm nor deny this.)
Or…
2. WRITE ABOUT MEEEEE!!! (This is in caps, because they usual say/exclaim it at a higher decibel with an unparalleled level of enthusiasm.) My sister Rebekah has tweaked this response a bit to say “Write about me and my boyfriend!!!” Ha! Nice try though.

But I do love my sisters. They are rather sweet and funny in a creepy, acquired taste kind of way. There are six of us; six Clerget girls of which I am the oldest. And yes, my poor father has managed to survive. The man is a saint with noise-cancelling headphones and a Netflix subscription. He gets on just fine. We get our sense of humor from him actually. If we’re special, it’s half his fault. (Though my mother blames our behavior/sense of humor/weird habits on him 100%.)

So I decided to meet my sisters halfway. I’m writing a post about them. All of them. Or all of us. Below is a checklist, a list of things my sisters and I do that we probably ought to be embarrassed about, but we’ve just made them our thing. If you find you relate to the things in the list, you might actually be a secret member of my family, lost at birth due to unfortunate (or maybe fortunate?) circumstances.

You may be a Clerget if…

  • You don’t clean your room unless threatened with bodily harm from your mother or similar parental figure. Related, you don’t see the point in making your bed, because let’s just be honest and say it’s going to get messed up in a few hours. Waste of time.
  • You think doing laundry is the worst. And if you’re Cassi, most things are “the worst”.
  • You would live in Disneyland. No matter how old you are, Disneyland never gets old. Of course, if you’re Brittney, you’d get married there. The rest of us draw the line at vacationing.
  • You’ve seen every Disney movie in the history of the world, know all of the songs, and can kick butt at Disney SceneIt. Also, Broadway is magical, and you’ll fight anyone who says otherwise.
  • You will make at least ten pop culture references in one sentence, maybe throwing in a few tv or movie quotes for good measure, and the person to whom you are talking will get every one of them. If you are Cassi and Allie, you can have an entire conversation by using just the first letter of words as long as context is established.
  • You talk really fast and make your mother “tired” (her words).
  • Your name is probably spelt a bit different, but in that “my parents wanted to be cool, but really just guaranteed that as a child I would never be able to buy monogrammed souvenirs” way. Cassandre should be Cassandra. Brittney is usually spelt Brittany. Rebekah is most often spelt Rebecca. Alexandre should be Alexandra. But apparently with Margaret and Sophia, mom and dad took pity…
  • But your name is still kind of badass: Cassandre Anastasia. Brittney Danielle. Rebekah Elizabeth. Alexandre Marie. Margaret Lillian. Abigail Sophia.
  • The answer to “Do you want to get French fries?” is always “Absolutely I do.”
  • You love good food. And you don’t apologize for it.
  • You play some kind of instrument. Maybe you sing. But you CANNOT dance. At all. Your hips do lie.
  • Soccer is really the only sport you were good at.
  • You grew up watching sports, specifically football, college basketball, and baseball. You understand everything about the sports and do not need a guy to explain them to you in a patronizing manner. Unless you are Allie with football. Then you might as well be explaining the sport in Arabic with crayon drawings made by a one year old.
  • You’re a nerd. You know all those things nerds like? Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Star Trek, sci-fi in general, reading books, technology? We grew up with it. And so will our kids.
  • You were homeschooled at one point. And you’d rather not talk about it.
  • You have a slightly disturbing obsession with crime shows, especially ones involving serial killers. Criminal Minds never gets old. Law & Order SVU, Psych, Bones, or Sherlock (please come back to me) are also acceptable. If you’re Rebekah, you once made a game for school based on serial killers. (Of course, she is the one with a boyfriend…)
  • Actually, let’s just say you probably watch far too much television in general. Netflix and DVR are your best friends, and you use Cassi’s HuluPlus account shamelessly while having no intention of getting your own or pitching in to pay for it.
  • Ditto for movies.
  • You don’t like doing things by yourself. Especially if you’re Rebekah. Why go shopping, to the library, to get food, to the bank, or to get gas without one of your five built-in companions? Well, Cassi will do all these things herself. Especially going to the movies. It means less social interaction.
  • The only way you’re going to buy something without having instant buyer’s remorse is if it’s on sale, usually at Target. Unless you’re Allie. In that case, you have buyer’s remorse ten minutes before you buy the stupid thing.
  • You also live at Target. When you say “I’m going to the store” you mean Target. Other stores are only visited if you can’t find what you need at Target.
  • The fact that you grew up with PCs instead of Macs and other Apple products is a deep wound you’ve not yet fully recovered from. Unless you’re Brittney, who just wants a phone and computer that works. Tsk tsk.
  • You can’t saying anything without a hint of sarcasm. If you’re Cassi, sarcasm is the only way you know how to communicate, and not using it makes other people question your mental and emotional wellbeing. If you’re Brittney, you just get offended.
  • You’ve been subject to Maggie saying “I have an awesome story to tell you!” only to follow it up by saying “So at school today, my friend talked to me in the hall!” End of story.
  • It’s never a bad time for a “that’s what she said” joke.
  • You will put anything embarrassing your sister/brother/relative/friend says on the social network of your choice. And you won’t feel guilty.
  • You have been called “sweet baby” by Cassi at some point, but don’t know why.

If you relate to any of these, you would fit in pretty well with my family. We would love you and call you our own. Whether or not that is a good or bad thing has yet to be determined.

Thank you for reading! And maybe (definitely) follow me on Twitter. I’m pretty entertaining.

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18 thoughts on “You may be a Clerget if…

  1. I wish one of us was a boy because I’d marry you in a heartbeat. You and your crazy family are some kind of perfect.

  2. Man, I wish my brother and I were as close as you are with your sisters. It’s just the two of us, and when we bicker, my parents always say that they should’ve had more kids

  3. Love those Names,….I’m thinking, your parents did well on the “Scale of Cool,”
    Most Certainly, those names are, “Still,….kind of Badass,….”
    and, with a last name like that,…
    (“legit,” is an understatement)

  4. I’m the oldest among 4 siblings. I can relate to most stuff you’ve written, but I’m not as witty as you guys hehe. I love crime scene series like CSI, NCIS, & Bones <3

    You all have beautiful names.ü :)

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