Today I had the absolute privilege to share my first post for the amazing So Worth Loving, a lifestyle and community and movement I am in love with. It was perhaps the hardest piece I’ve written, but it was completely worth it. It was healing.
So, please take a look at “When I believed I was ugly” and pass it along!
I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I LOOKED IN THE MIRROR AND THOUGHT TO MYSELF, “I’M UGLY.”
It wasn’t a grand moment or a show-stopping epiphany. No, it was a whisper that echoed through my being. Standing in my empty dorm room, I could barely meet my own eyes. I looked at myself and saw a body that shouldn’t be mine. There was too much of it, more than I knew how to carry with confidence. I stared at my reflection and felt shame rush over my skin. “This isn’t what a woman should look like,” I chastised myself. “No one could love someone who looks like this.”
I can’t love someone who looks like this.
Because that was really what I was telling myself. I saw my body in the mirror. I saw every flaw, every imperfection, every slice of pizza, every handful of chocolate chips. I saw every time a man looked past me. I saw every time the man I cared about said, “I like you, but…” leaving me to fill in the blanks with my own insecurities. I looked at my reflection and assaulted my body with lies….