I have a bad tendency to be self critical. Nothing I do is good enough. I am, in many ways, my own worst enemy, because it’s easy for me to look at myself and see the less than ideal aspects of who I am. And I remind myself of these things over and over until they become some twisted sort of personal truth.
There are things I’ve believed over the years that are simply untrue. There are lies I’ve told myself from a place of self doubt and diminished self confidence. They are lies that only served to do myself harm and prevented me from fully embracing who I am, what I am, and who God intended for me to be. And perhaps they are your lies, too. Maybe you’ve convinced yourself of the same things I repeated in my mind like a mantra. Today, maybe you can, like me, give up the lies.
Lie #1: I’m not beautiful.
There is no way to explain the immense amount of damage this lie has done in my life. And I’m not entirely sure when I started to believe it. I’ve never had someone tell me I’m ugly. I’ve never had a friend tell me a man thought I was unattractive. I’m not vain enough to think everyone I’ve ever met has been bowled over by my stunning good looks (ha!), but somewhere along the way I lost the confidence to look in the mirror and say, “I’m looking fine today.” Somewhere along the way, I became the girl who loathed the mirror. I loathed my body. And I hated being looked at, because I knew I wasn’t beautiful. I couldn’t be, because one day I started telling myself I wasn’t.
I wish I could undo the years of torture I inflicted upon myself because of this lie. I would take back every negative thought, every disgusted look if I could. I wish I had understood the difference between being confident in my body and being vain.
The truth? I am beautiful, in my own way – in God’s way. I’m exactly the young woman He created me to be. In His eyes, I’m gorgeous. I’m allowed to believe I’m gorgeous.
Lie #2: I’m the supporting actress.
I’ve always thought of myself as the perpetual sidekick. You know, the friend in the movies who always follows the main character around, interjecting snarky comments and quips with a roll of the eyes and doesn’t get the happy ending? That’s me. I’m the best friend. Or, in the case of gentlemen, I’m just in the friend-zone. Hanging around with a listening ear and zero sex appeal.
But God didn’t create me to be the supporting actress in my own life. I’m not meant to sit around, waiting for someone to bring me out, dust me off, and take me on their adventure. I’m not meant to let someone else determine my life experiences. I was created to be the main character in my own life. I’m allowed to craft my own adventures. I’m allowed to be impulsive without waiting for someone else to ask me to join in on their fun.
The truth? I’m my own person, the leading lady of my story. I can be the girl who gets the guy. I can be anything I want. I’m not limited to one role.
Lie #3: I don’t deserve a good man.
I grew up as the stereotypical good girl. Innocent, naïve, and everything that came along with it. I never had a boyfriend, a first kiss, a date. And I still haven’t had those things. But I’m not as innocent as I was, definitely not naïve, and some days I don’t know what to do with the lust I struggle with. I’m often ashamed and guilty for the thoughts I’ve had, the desires and cravings that are hard to ignore. I’m not the good girl anymore. How could I believe I deserve to find love, happiness, and bliss with a good man?
So where would that leave me? With a bad a man? With no man? By convincing myself I wasn’t worthy of a good man, I led myself down a path where I was certain I would never find love, at least not the kind of love I wanted; the kind I watched those around me experiencing. I couldn’t have that because I wasn’t good. Yet I’m saved by a God of grace, mercy, and unconditional love. I am His daughter, and in His eyes I am good, even if I make mistakes.
The truth? I am worthy of a man who sees me as the precious woman God created. I am worthy of a man who will forgive my past and love me in the present. I do deserve a good man.
Are there any lies you’ve told yourself?
Come back Monday for part two!
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