Dear my future husband,
Hello. Just, hello. I wish I could say that to you directly. I wish I could look into your eyes and greet you. I wish I could smile as you kiss my lips, but I cannot. Not yet. Not tonight.
I’m lonely for you. Perhaps more than I ever have been. I long to look up from my book or computer screen and see your face, see you watching me. I long for the feel of your arms around me, your whispers in my ear. I long to hear your heartbeat as I lay across your chest. I long to fall asleep in your arms, safe in your love and embrace.
I want to talk with you. I want to have long, never-ending conversations that continue past the sunset and sunrise. I want to argue and disagree with you. I want you to stimulate my mind with things I would have never thought of. I want to share my favorite passages from books with you as we talk through what they mean. I want to ask you a question and watch as you thoughtfully consider the answer. I want to say things to you that mean something. I want to see the spark in your eyes when we talk about the important things. I want to feel the passion in your words as they fall from your lips.
Can we travel together? Can we lose ourselves on the road? Can we disappear into the reaches of places we’ve never explored? I want to discover something with you. I want to find a place neither of us have been and learn something from it. I want to create memories with you that only we can share. Can we fly across the sea and search for these for memories? Can we become more familiar with the road we travel than the comforts of home? Can we live in the spaces between?
I prayed for you last night, and the night before. I pray for you often, whenever I feel lonely. I don’t pray that I find you soon or that you find me. Instead, I pray that you are safe, that you are loved, that you are well. I pray that you are happy and living life to the fullest. I pray that you are fulfilled, that you are doing what God has planned for you. I pray that you laugh often and smile constantly, even if I can’t be their reason. And I pray that when we meet, we are both ready.
I can’t wait for the nights when we can pray together before we fall into bed. I can’t wait for the days we read our Bibles together, being together moved by His word. I can’t wait to serve Him with you, to be surprised in the ways He uses us. I can’t wait to grow in Christ with you by my side. I can’t to experience a maturity in my faith as you challenge me. I can’t wait to worship God with our love story.
I’m sorry if I’ve put expectations on you. I’m sorry if I’ve imagined you in any way other than who you are. I’m sorry that I’ve allowed other men to become my fantasy. I’m sorry that I looked at you as something I deserve, not as a blessing or gift God gives me.
But I’m not sorry I’ve waited for you. I’m not sorry I’ve hoped for you. I’m not sorry that I anticipate finding you. I’m not sorry that the very idea of you, the knowledge that you exist brings a smile to my face.
I cannot wait to meet you; to see you for the first time. I can’t wait to hear the first words you speak to me. I will treasure them along with every memory we make. I can’t wait to love you and make love to you in every season, year after year. I can’t wait to look into your eyes when I say my vows, when I promise to love you and cherish you.
My heart is yours, ready for you and only for you.
Your someday wife.
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