6 things every woman should know, part one.

I try not to write exclusively for women. I like to think of my posts as ‘universal’ and ‘inclusive’ and all that. But I’m a woman. And I have five younger sisters. So writing for women has a personal truth for me. Sometimes the thoughts going through my mind speak to a specific feminine sensibility. Sometimes I see or read something about women and society, and I need to consider and comment. Women and men have differently but equally valuable experiences in life.

Today, I’m writing about six things I believe all women should know. Maybe you already do know them, but it’s easy to forget, to let other things take precedence. Sometimes we just need to hear them again. So here you go! (And gentlemen, some of these probably could be meant for you as well.)

Six Things All Women Should Know, part one

1. A relationship shouldn’t define you. The only relationship that should ever define you is your relationship with Jesus. Other than that, your relationship with a man shouldn’t determine who you are as a woman. It’s so easy to get caught up in the newness of a relationship. We throw ourselves into it headfirst, absolutely intoxicated by the wonder of meaning so much to someone. We get swept away, and we want to please him, make him happy. We want him to realize we are perfect for him.

But it shouldn’t drain you. It shouldn’t chip away slowly at who you are, until you no longer recognize yourself in the mirror. It shouldn’t redefine you in a way that means you have no meaning outside the man you are with. You shouldn’t be constantly making concessions, because he thinks you owe them to him.

A good relationship helps create who you are as a woman. It gives you something, teaches you something about yourself that you wouldn’t have been able to discover. It makes you into the best possible you. It provides experiences without compromising your true self. The relationship you deserve won’t turn you into a man’s shadow, but rather his partner, his equal, his love.

2. Don’t be afraid to get your heart broken. Us ladies have a tendency to be cautious, especially if we’ve been burned by love before. (I imagine it’s the same for guys as well.) We hesitate to give away too much of ourselves that second time, and even less the third time. We guard ourselves, erecting walls around our hearts, convincing ourselves the right guy will be able to break them down. But we don’t give anyone the opportunity to get that close. Instead, we assume he is like all the rest, and we decide to not trust him before he has the chance to prove we can trust him.

We are made to love, intensely, madly, passionately. God gave us this gift, this ability. He wants us to use it, to fall in love, to become one with another. We are created for it. The moment we close that part of ourselves off, we are denying who we are. We are ignoring one of the most beautiful human experiences. So while we shouldn’t give our heart away to just anyone, we have to be willing to let someone in. We have to be willing to trust him enough to know that he won’t break it or abuse it. We have to meet him halfway. We have to be willing to fall madly and truly in love. And we have to trust that God will be there if it doesn’t end in happily ever after.

3. A guy can’t fix you. We all have baggage. None of it is exactly the same, but we always bring something from our past into our new relationships, whether it’s a history of emotional or physical abuse or a lack of trust or insecurities. Sometimes we have a hard time separating who we were with an ex with who we want to be with this new, wonderfully nice guy. Maybe we don’t believe that we deserve it. So we start to expect things from him. We want him to make us whole. We want him to erase all our bad memories. We want him to constantly reassure us out of our insecurities. We want him to be our hero, our knight in shining armor. We want him to fix us.

But he can’t. And we shouldn’t ask that of him. A guy, who probably has his own past to content with, can’t be expected to make your baggage disappear. It’s beyond what he is capable of. Only Jesus in His infinite grace and power and love can take those insecurities away from us. Only He can fix you, making you new and whole and ready for the loving, meaningful relationship you were meant to have.

{Come back tomorrow for Part Two!}

Thank you for reading! Feel free to let me know what you think. And maybe follow me on Twitter?

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One thought on “6 things every woman should know, part one.

  1. Pingback: 6 things every woman should know, part two. «

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