One of my college roommates had a terrible history with men. It would be impressive if it wasn’t so heartbreaking. She had a very troubled relationship with her own father, which psychology tells us she tried to remedy with other men. Psychology will also tell you this rarely turns out well. (Of course, most of my info on psychology comes from Criminal Minds, which usually ends with a serial killer… so take this as you will.) But for my roommate, it didn’t turn out well. She tried to find that loving, caring relationship, only to be constantly pushed aside and discarded. It was hard to watch, even more difficult to offer advice when she wasn’t interested in taking it. Her relationships were destructive, and slowly they were destroying her. She couldn’t find the love she wanted, so she began to take whatever she could get.
We have all known people who have had these types of relationships. Perhaps we have had them ourselves. Sometimes the loneliness inside becomes too much to handle. It overwhelms us, creates a hollowness that demands to be filled. If we don’t fill it, it begins to grow and grow until it overtakes us. We become the loneliness, the emptiness. We are a faded version of ourselves.
In our attempts to avoid the loneliness, we look to others. We crave their love and attention and displays of affection. We give them whatever they want in an attempt to keep them with us. We skip class or miss work to do something they asked. We give them money for things they need. We offer our bodies for the gratification they crave. We say yes, because saying no could mean they leave. We give them everything we have, and still search for something extra we could give.
The saddest part is that while we give and give, we aren’t receiving. We don’t feel special. We don’t feel loved. We don’t feel appreciated. We feel used and lonely. Yes, lonely. Nothing makes you feel more alone than if you feel you aren’t needed. And in these types of relationships, you aren’t needed. You are simply there.
You deserve better. You deserve real love. People love to be loved. We love to be wanted, and we want to be needed. There is something deep inside of us that calls for that connection to another person. We want to share our lives with someone else. We want to show them our love and affection. And you deserve that. You were made for it.
People are relational (though some more than others). At some point, sitting alone on your bed with a book just isn’t going to cut it. You want to interact. Talk with other humans, not the characters in your books (okay, so maybe that’s just me). You want to go out for coffee, go for a walk, talk about life with someone else. Sometimes its enough to just be in the same room as another person, so you know that you aren’t alone.
Ladies, we were created to be in a relationship. We were made to end man’s loneliness, to be his partner, to marry him and become one with him. So when you have those moments when you feel empty? You aren’t the only one, and it isn’t unnatural. There is something deep inside of us that longs for the relationship God created us for.
Gentlemen, you were created to take care of things. God gave you free reign over the world He created. But you were alone, and God saw that this was not good. You needed a partner, a helper. You needed to be with someone, to take care of them and love them. Woman was created from a part of you, your own flesh. The connection you seek was there at creation.
God intended for us to be in relationships. We were made for them. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be in one. But you should never have to lower your standards, your morals, your worth. Your partner should never demand that of you, because that was not the way it was meant to be. You are worth more than that. You are worthy of real love and respect and happiness. You deserve them, because God intended for you to have them.
So you shouldn’t settle for almost or close enough. You weren’t made for that. But you shouldn’t hold out for perfection either. You simply won’t find it. None of us are perfect. We can’t achieve perfection, because we sin and make mistakes. God knows this. But we can still find someone, with God’s help, who is perfect for us. We can have that perfect meeting of minds and souls and hearts if we believe that we are worthy of it.